by Stan Tatkin
When Cinda fell in love with Bob, she didn’t bother taking him to meet her parents because she already knew they would disapprove. Bob was 20 years her senior, plus she figured he was too debonair for her parents’ liking. She did introduce Bob to her friends, though. Her girlfriends loved him. They were impressed with the gifts he gave her and went wild over photos of his summer beach home. Cinda never asked her girlfriends’ boyfriends what they thought of Bob until it was too late.
Cinda dated Bob for one year and was engaged to him for one month before she found out who he really was. To say he cheated on her would be an understatement. He was unfaithful from the beginning right up to the day she caught him, which was (to her credit) the end of their relationship.
In the aftermath, her male friends shared their impressions of Bob:
“A real scumbag. I could tell the first time I met him.”
“The guy was a player. He tried to hit on my girlfriend.”
“You were so into him, I didn’t want to mention what he said when you were out of the room.”
What if she had married him? What if they’d had children? The outcome could have been much worse. Moreover, in this case, understanding the role of neurochemicals and the influence of visual systems and familiarity is insufficient to answer the question “What went wrong?”
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